Since we have already shared ours previously, today I am going to write about the stop we made on our "growing the family" journey. This "stop" was on our way, not after our adoption!
Milton and I married in 2003, prior to our marriage we did discuss growing our family. This was important, especially to Milton as he was not a father yet. Although he loved his step-daughters, they were half grown by the time we married. He longed to have child that would continue the family legacy. I was unable to carry a child any longer.
About a year after we were married I felt that it was time to move forward. We were both already in our 30's and I had started my life of being a mommy at age 17. I began researching surrogacy. One of our good friends offered to help us in our gestational surrogacy.
For those of you that do not know what that is let me explain. The egg and sperm were retrieved from Milton and myself and the child was created in a dish. It is then placed, well actually a few are placed, inside the woman that was going to carry our child/children for us. The hope is that all will go well and good news is given a short time later that the surrogate is pregnant.
This was not the case for Milton and I. We attempted twice to create a child from our own DNA. Due to the emotional and financial hardship on us we decided not try any longer in this manner to grow our family.
I want to mention here that the person that offered to be our surrogate was married with a family of her own. She love us and we love her. There is something special about her and her family that they would do this for us. I can still see the look on her face in my dining room when she had to tell us she was not pregnant. It hurt her as much as it hurt us. But with all things God has a plan.
We took some time to grieve and although my husband thought we would not have children together, I kinda knew differently. Here is where I get really honest. I felt guilty for not being able to carry a child for him. I felt this before and after our attempt at gestational surrogacy. I knew that I would not be able to live with myself if I did not try other avenues to grow our family. Even if I was way into being a mother (teen children) and my 30's.
You have to remember that I started early at being a mother and had a 13 year old when we started the adoption process. I thought I was done when in 1992 I gave birth to my now middle daughter. Let me tell you though, when my heart was changed it was for the best.
We did not know much about adoption but I did LOTS of research. I educated people even if they didn't want to hear our story! :) We waited two years and our little bundle of joy arrived just before we were about to call it quits! (No joke folks!)
Our experience with fertility treatments was not easy. My spouse gave me shots, our friend took shots, we made many trips to the clinic an hour away from where we lived. We had our hopes brought up high and sunk to the lowest of low. We fought, we cried, we grieved. It is not an easy path and I have a whole new outlook since taking that stop in our adoption journey for those that go through fertility treatments. It takes a great deal of strength.
As I witness that middle daughter of mine deal with her own infertility issues I know the road ahead will not be an easy one. As her mom, I wish I could fix it for her, I want to make the journey easy. I pray for her and my son in law daily that God's plan occurs and that whatever that is, they will find joy and peace in it.
Read more about PCOS at www.pcosgirl.com or click on the photo!
To our friend that was our surrogate we always feel thankful. When someone loves you that much to offer to share their womb and their body and their time, you know they really do love you.
I hope sharing our journey helped someone today. If you have questions, please feel free to comment or email us at betweenthesunsets@gmail.com.
Thanks for stopping by,
Julie & Milton
What a great write up, you must be feeling so special. My husband and I are also doing the surrogate thing and it has been after years of trying and struggle. My husband has been diagnosed with cancer so has lost the ability to have children, thankfully we can still have it be a reality through a program like this.
ReplyDeleteCynthia @ Tomorrow's Parents International